I was so humbled by Claude that I almost asked it to draft my resignation as a Negotiation Consultant and Executive Coach.
Whether it’s a one-off deal or part of weekly coaching sessions, I help leaders win high-stakes negotiations. If you need guidance on a negotiation, contact me here. When there’s real money on the table and one conversation can change everything, I’m the person my clients call before they negotiate.
Information is power. AI multiplies it. It would be foolish and ego-centric not to use it as a tool. As I almost learned the hard way, it can be equally foolish to let AI replace your own judgment.
I keep my clients’ deals confidential, though I share the lessons learned so you can benefit. All you need to know about this deal is that before getting to the negotiating table, my client’s counterpart sent a lowball offer. It came with the explanation that they had already used up much of the budget on a solution that didn’t work.
Even before asking Claude, I thought about Chris Voss and his excellent book Never Split the Difference. I also remembered what working with Shapiro Negotiation Institute (SNI) taught me about anchoring.
As I wrote in my last column, The Thousand-Dollar Negotiation Anchor, anchoring is when you strategically use the first number to become the reference point for every number that follows.
Recognition is key. I explained to my client that the other side’s anchor only works if you let it! Just because they throw the first punch, it doesn’t mean you have to let it hit you in the face. In fact, when you see it coming, you have time to prepare your counterpunch.
In this case, my first instinct was for my client to follow Voss’ advice and start with a “how” question. Something like, “You know that number is below my cost. How am I supposed to do that?”
The key to that approach is to shut up. The question only works if you are patient enough to let the other person answer it. As I continued strategizing, I thought it would be clever to add an analogy about how unfair it was to lowball the current bidder because the previous solution didn’t work.
I asked Claude for help, and I was dazzled:
The surgeon. “If your first surgery didn’t work and you came to a better surgeon, you wouldn’t ask her to operate at half price because you already paid someone else. You’d want the best hands available — and you’d know the first bill was the cost of the wrong choice, not a down payment on the right one.”
The bad first marriage. “You don’t get to tell your second spouse the wedding budget is smaller because the first marriage was expensive.”
The remodel you already botched. “If a subcontractor poured a bad foundation and you had to bring in a new crew, you wouldn’t expect the new crew to eat the cost of the demo. You’d expect to pay for the work that actually gets built.”
After reading, I said out loud, “So clever! So smart! So right!”
As soon as I said “right,” I asked myself, “Does my client want to be rich, or does he want to be right?”
When you’re in a negotiation (or any conflict), it’s worth asking yourself the same question before you fall in love with your own argument. If you’re breaking your arm patting yourself on the back for how clever or snarky you are, it’s really time to slow down and reconsider your approach.
Because here’s the thing: those analogies were right. That was the problem. Picture my client delivering the surgeon line across the table. It’s a knockout punch, which is exactly why it fails. Nobody signs a contract while they’re picking themselves up off the canvas. There’re no judge and no jury in a negotiation. Winning the argument doesn’t win you anything except a defensive counterpart with something to prove.
Poker taught me that being right doesn’t pay. Getting called when you have the nuts does. You can hold the best hand at the table, but if you play it in a way that makes everyone fold, you win a pot with nothing in it.
What transformed the entire negotiation was changing the lens. My client and his counterpart weren’t adversaries. They were problem solvers working together to overcome a challenge. We worked on a script. Some of my clients like to write out every word and rehearse. Others like to use bullet points. In this case, we started with, “Sounds like we have a challenge that we need to solve together. We’re far apart now, but since we’re creative problem solvers who plan to do great things together, this is just one of many challenges that we will overcome. I’m open to ideas. What do you suggest?”
That statement shifted everything. Instead of two people at odds, they became two people on the same team working to solve the same challenge. The last question sets you up to be the listener. It gets the other side talking, and the less you talk, the more information you get. The more information you get, the more you win.
Next, we made the shift to walk in their shoes. Doing so requires us to overcome human nature. We are wired to go after what we want. This wiring may help us in a Darwinian sense, but it backfires in a negotiation. I asked my client to stop thinking about what he wanted and start thinking about what his counterpart wanted. Then I asked him to take a step further and ask what his counterpart’s clients wanted.
He wasn’t dealing with an adversary who he wanted to make wrong. He was talking to a guy who he wanted to build a relationship with and cut him a big check. The reality is that this person had burned a chunk of his budget on a solution that didn’t work. He wasn’t lowballing to be greedy. He was under pressure. He had to go back to his investors and his team to explain the number. Taking the time to see the deal from the other person’s view changed my client’s perspective.
The third step was to get even more curious. Ask more questions (or if you’re more advanced, use labels). Instead of using the surgeon analogy, my client asked, “What happened with the first solution?” Then, “What does success look like this time?” Then he shut up and listened. We also discussed how most people fixate on the “number” (the price) and lose sight of the big picture, which includes other meaningful deal points. That’s why my client asked, “Is it a timing problem, a cash flow problem, or an accounting problem?”
That type of question will get the other side talking. If it’s a timing issue, there are a myriad of solutions. My client and I brainstormed for solutions based on several scenarios. The entire negotiation was driven by three things:
1. The lens: We are problem solvers who work together to overcome challenges of our projects. We’re a team that finds solutions.
2. The shift: Walk in their shoes! Stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what your client wants. Instead of defending your position, empathize with theirs.
3. The technique: Get even more curious. Ask questions or use labels that get them talking. Listen with the goal of solving your mutual problem.
I keep my clients’ deals confidential. In this case, what I can tell you is that the final number looked nothing like the first one. And because he changed his perspective, he strengthened the relationship and closed a lucrative deal.
Clever or closed? Smart or signed? Right or rich?
You only get to pick one.
If you’re in a negotiation, see if Greg can help here.
In addition to being a Negotiation Consultant, Greg Dinkin is a World Series of Poker champion who delivered a TEDx talk on Mind Shift. He is a #1 Wall Street Journal bestselling author who has written six books including The Poker MBA (Random House) and The Leading Man (Vital). His work as an Executive Coach covers business and negotiation, as well as financial and spiritual health. Visit www.gregdinkin.com to see how he can impact you or your business.
For negotiation training, visit Shapiro Negotiations. You can also book Greg as a keynote speaker through SNI: Greg Dinkin - Shapiro Negotiations.